All posts filed under: Introspection

Showing Up for Ourselves

I’m sitting at my desk at home a bit uneasy, because for the last few days, I’ve had no idea what I would blog about next. In fact, I’m discovering it right now as I type. This is always the fear: that one day, I will run out of things to say. The only difference between feeling this way currently and having felt this way all of last year is that, last year, I was unwilling to show up to do the work. Here I am today, seated and typing words on digital paper, allowing whatever comes to mind to flow from my fingertips, regardless of how polished or unpolished, interesting or uninteresting it may be. I’ve been telling myself all day that, if I sat my butt down, something would come out. Isn’t showing up half the battle? One of my commitments in 2020 is to continuously get out of my own way. It’s nuts how I am my own worst critic when, most of the time, the rest of the world is waiting …

The Purge and A Return to Self

Illustration: Copyright Male Ehul  I went to bed with a terrible migraine on December 28th and I didn’t fall asleep till around 4 am. I woke up the next day, my birthday, feeling pretty sick. By the time the 31st rolled around, I hadn’t slept for four nights, I had a lot of pain in my neck from a mattress and pillow that were not up to my body’s (picky) standards, and I had an upper respiratory infection. For the first time in my adult life –and maybe even since I was a little kid– I was not awake to welcome in the new year. The next day, my boyfriend started feeling sick and he woke up late that night shivering uncontrollably and with a very high fever, which had him be delirious for the following 24 hours. We basically didn’t leave the house that week until we no longer had a choice, because we were flying back home. I could not understand, for the life of me, why our timing had been so bad …

From My Higher Self, To Me, With Love

You are exactly where you’re meant to be, right here, right now. Not in the past, not in the future… Right here, right now, in this moment. It is only this moment. Yes, you are a spiritual being in a physical body, you are capable of perceiving non-physically, but in this current reality, in this particular moment of the Eternal Moment, your soul is co-existing and co-creating with your physical form, with your body. You must accept this; it would be delusional not to! The evidence is under your nose… Indeed, your nose is a part of the evidence. Therefore, be here, right now. Learn the lessons you came here to learn. Yes, you actually did choose to be born into a Catholic family. You chose all of your circumstances, and you are continuously creating your reality. You created this moment of writing knowing that otherwise your mind would burst; you wisely gave yourself this outlet. Trust that you are exactly where you’re meant to be and that you’re living exactly what your soul needs …

Lean On Me

I took myself to yoga today for the first time in several months. I chose to go on my own and purposely told no one about it. Could I endure it? Not physically, but mentally? I practiced yoga for many years in Argentina, but since being back in the US, I’ve had a hard time finding a class and an instructor I like. While this didn’t stop me from searching for the missing puzzle piece, it did make me lazy over time. Eventually, I arrived at the excuse of “I simply don’t want to do yoga as my main workout each week because I’m bored of it.” For the most part, I eliminated it from of my routine, with the exception of a special occasion for charity, a few poses I’ve always done before and after exercising and, of course, my headstands, because I love them. After much reflection, I finally understood the real reason behind my disenchantment with yoga: it wasn’t the practice itself, rather the quieting of my mind that seemed extremely daunting. …

The Art Of Self-Sabotage And How To Stop It

A quick guide to self-sabotage: Let in every, and any, negative thought about yourself. Pay no mind to whether said thoughts are real or simply perceptions. Believe these thoughts. Watch your reality turn sour. Easy, huh? We do it all the time. We allow, and sometimes even encourage, our minds to drown in debilitating thoughts. This happens mainly due to a lack of awareness and a sense of impotence, of believing we are not in control of our lives and our realities. Yet nothing could be farther from the truth. Our individual realities, our personal worlds, are created daily by us with every thought, word, and action. It is a continuous and often impercetible process; we are so used to thinking that we seldom stop to consider what we think about. Gradually, we end up influencing every aspect of our lives, but our lack of awareness leads us to not understand how things came to be or why certain situations delivered certain outcomes. This is when we start blaming external factors–things, people, or the entire …

All You Have To Do

All you have to do is be present, right here, right now, in this moment. Allow yourself to be here, right now. Allow yourself to love all of it: California, San Francisco, the park, the bridge, the weather, the weirdness, the people, the thought of staying put, your current circumstances… All of it. You don’t have to go anywhere. You don’t have to run. There’s no need for you to pick up and go. Drown the feeling of suffocation; it’s not real. The walls aren’t closing in on you; there’s enough room in this city for your life and everyone else’s. Memories are created with people in specific places. Sometimes revisiting these places hurts, yes, but you can move past the associations. You can create new memories. Go back to each location and make it your own. Call back your power to you; call it back from those who have proven themselves unworthy to receive it and nurture it. All you have to do is be here, right now, in this moment. Nowhere else. You …

A Realignment Of Heart And Mind

My heart was ready to explode. The top of my head was balancing on the red rocks, with my arms forming a triangle of tense support around it. My heart didn’t like this. It also didn’t like that I kept going despite its frantic efforts to get me to stop. I was attempting to straighten my back, tighten my core, and walk my legs forward before raising them into a headstand. With every movement, my heart pounded more intensely against my chest, and it did everything in its power to drown out the voice of reason coming from my mind. How could the mind not see that tumbling off a cliff was a perfectly good reason to feel afraid? My mind, on the other hand, knew better, although it was also afraid. The difference was that my mind remembered I had counted the steps before venturing upside down and that I had found a safe spot that was several feet away from the edge. It did its best to console my heart. The two of …

Choosing Not To Choose

Choices. I wrote this word down after a conversation I had at Glide, the place where a few of us volunteer once a week to help serve breakfast to the homeless in the Tenderloin neighborhood in San Francisco. We were wondering if there was any way to simplify the process of serving food so that it would be easier both for the staff, as well as for the clients. While casually brainstorming ideas, Brando, the manager of the Free Daily Meals Program, made an interesting comment: those that come to Glide don’t have the privilege of making choices throughout their day. They go about their lives depending on the goodwill of others. “Most of the time, they don’t even get to choose where they go to the bathroom,” he said, and it’s true. A lot of us can walk into a Starbucks to use the restroom, but if any of the people that go to Glide try to do the same, they will be rejected 95% of the time solely based on appearance. This obviously …

When Was The Last Time?

Close your eyes and take a deep breath. And another one. Feel your ribs expand as your lungs fill themselves with air, then feel them contract as you exhale. Another deep breath. No, that wasn’t the beginning of a yoga class. That was me trying to make you aware of something we do so naturally at each moment that we take it for granted. Do you realize what a blessing it is to not have to consciously think about breathing? That our bodies and minds silently and relentlessly do the work for us? When was the last time you stopped to be thankful and appreciative? Consider the rest of your life, as well. Consider everything you’re going through, good and bad. Are you able to recognize the blessings being poured out to you amidst it all? When was the last time you paused and took it all in? With the holidays around the corner, I urge you to take some time out for yourself, to get back in touch with everything you are, and to be thankful …

A Reckless Abandonment of Self

There’s a song lyric by my favorite Argentine band, Soda Stereo, that I love above all others: “El silencio no es tiempo perdido” – “Silence is not time wasted.” There are many times when words are not necessary, neither written nor spoken. It’s a hard lesson to learn for those of us who love words and who also love letting our tongues run loose. For me, the greater lesson I constantly struggle to grasp is to not fall prey to extremes. I don’t like it when things are black or white; there are too many shades of gray in between. However, if I happen to be in the process of teaching myself to keep my mouth shut, to listen to another instead of interrupting them with my unsolicited ideas and opinions, I will most likely end up defaulting to the other side of the spectrum: I won’t speak up when it is correct and healthy for me to do so. Anger is an emotion that I used to never keep inside, but I have started …