All posts tagged: emotions

A Reckless Abandonment of Self

There’s a song lyric by my favorite Argentine band, Soda Stereo, that I love above all others: “El silencio no es tiempo perdido” – “Silence is not time wasted.” There are many times when words are not necessary, neither written nor spoken. It’s a hard lesson to learn for those of us who love words and who also love letting our tongues run loose. For me, the greater lesson I constantly struggle to grasp is to not fall prey to extremes. I don’t like it when things are black or white; there are too many shades of gray in between. However, if I happen to be in the process of teaching myself to keep my mouth shut, to listen to another instead of interrupting them with my unsolicited ideas and opinions, I will most likely end up defaulting to the other side of the spectrum: I won’t speak up when it is correct and healthy for me to do so. Anger is an emotion that I used to never keep inside, but I have started …

Again

You were the only person I saw at that moment; the only one I could focus on. I wasn’t expecting you to be there, but oh, what a lovely surprise. I caught the smile in your eyes when you saw me. It was a brief, vulnerable smile that you did not have time to disguise. My favorite type of look: honest and open and bare and raw. And real. This is real talk. The kind you don’t get to hear or read everyday. The kind that escapes my mind and flows through my fingers and onto this page because my brain has been spinning at such a fierce speed since I first saw you that I needed to find an outlet and a way to hold myself steady. Run-on sentences help. They run with me, but they don’t let me stop to catch my breath. Who are you? How do you do this to me so easily? You sparked something in me that I’ve been trying to tame, a passion so deeply rooted that, when I …

Tonight, I Cried

“Don’t be bothered by the noise. Go sit and be silent,” I read this evening, and it made me pause for a moment. Be silent, the phrase urged. Don’t mind the noise, it said. I lost count of how many times I repeated it over and over in my mind, until I finally admitted to myself that I couldn’t do it. No, that’s wrong. It’s not that I can’t. It’s that I don’t want to. I choose not to, in the same way that I’ve chosen not to do it so many times in the past. But why? There’s no way around this one; it’s plain and simple: I. Am. Scared. Of. My. Thoughts. I’m scared of my thoughts. Me dan miedo mis pensamientos. Two languages, one concept. I don’t want to go sit and be silent. I don’t want to unearth all I’ve been hiding. I don’t want to face the part of me that has been tamed. I don’t want to deal with all of the pent up emotions cowering behind my smile. …