All posts tagged: smile

Because I’m…

“How are you?” a friend asked. For the first time in a while, I paused to think about my response. This has become such an easy question to answer with a quick and lazy “Good, you?” that stopping myself from vomiting that phrase was a hard task, harder than it should have been. This time, though, I pushed myself to think before responding because I wanted to get an accurate reading of how I felt. Without being fully aware of it, I was craving to get back in touch with myself, similar to the times I realize, almost all of a sudden, that I haven’t taken a long, deep breath all day and I force myself into it. It was a much-needed, please-just-take-one-second-for-yourself, break. Finally, I replied with an answer so honest that it even surprised me: “I’m… HAPPY!” It came complete with a wide, satisfied smile. How are you doing? Are you happy? Why or why not? What needs to change? While I welcome your answers, I don’t need them; you do. They’re for …

Again

You were the only person I saw at that moment; the only one I could focus on. I wasn’t expecting you to be there, but oh, what a lovely surprise. I caught the smile in your eyes when you saw me. It was a brief, vulnerable smile that you did not have time to disguise. My favorite type of look: honest and open and bare and raw. And real. This is real talk. The kind you don’t get to hear or read everyday. The kind that escapes my mind and flows through my fingers and onto this page because my brain has been spinning at such a fierce speed since I first saw you that I needed to find an outlet and a way to hold myself steady. Run-on sentences help. They run with me, but they don’t let me stop to catch my breath. Who are you? How do you do this to me so easily? You sparked something in me that I’ve been trying to tame, a passion so deeply rooted that, when I …

Tonight, I Cried

“Don’t be bothered by the noise. Go sit and be silent,” I read this evening, and it made me pause for a moment. Be silent, the phrase urged. Don’t mind the noise, it said. I lost count of how many times I repeated it over and over in my mind, until I finally admitted to myself that I couldn’t do it. No, that’s wrong. It’s not that I can’t. It’s that I don’t want to. I choose not to, in the same way that I’ve chosen not to do it so many times in the past. But why? There’s no way around this one; it’s plain and simple: I. Am. Scared. Of. My. Thoughts. I’m scared of my thoughts. Me dan miedo mis pensamientos. Two languages, one concept. I don’t want to go sit and be silent. I don’t want to unearth all I’ve been hiding. I don’t want to face the part of me that has been tamed. I don’t want to deal with all of the pent up emotions cowering behind my smile. …