All posts tagged: family

Tonight, I Cried

“Don’t be bothered by the noise. Go sit and be silent,” I read this evening, and it made me pause for a moment. Be silent, the phrase urged. Don’t mind the noise, it said. I lost count of how many times I repeated it over and over in my mind, until I finally admitted to myself that I couldn’t do it. No, that’s wrong. It’s not that I can’t. It’s that I don’t want to. I choose not to, in the same way that I’ve chosen not to do it so many times in the past. But why? There’s no way around this one; it’s plain and simple: I. Am. Scared. Of. My. Thoughts. I’m scared of my thoughts. Me dan miedo mis pensamientos. Two languages, one concept. I don’t want to go sit and be silent. I don’t want to unearth all I’ve been hiding. I don’t want to face the part of me that has been tamed. I don’t want to deal with all of the pent up emotions cowering behind my smile. …

Home Is Where The Heart Is

Home. This seems to have been the theme all weekend. And so, I am faced with the necessary questions: how does one define the word “home”? What does it mean to me versus other people? Does the definition remain constant with time, or does it mold to allow new circumstances? Let me only speak for myself, as I have thought long and hard about this for many years (being a nomad will do that to you). For me, home is where the heart is. No, really. Whenever I walk into my parent’s house, no matter where in the world they are, I feel at home. The warmth of their love, knowing that I am always welcome, that they will always care for me and receive me with open arms, this is where I find peace and where I can rest. I love going back there, even if just for a day or two. I can be a child again, no “real world” nonsense to deal with. Yet, I don’t live there permanently. I choose to …